fervidity | video || second chances

[The recent post made by WTF (or WoTF) has finally prompted Kushina to make an entry again, addressing this world at large and the people in it. Or at least those that can see this.

First, a deep breath.]

I don't know if anybody has been thanked for all the effort, for putting their lives on the line to save this world by those of us who don't remember how bad it was. There were people who made this place better for everyone and went back in time. It still sounds ridiculous to me and kind of impossible but this world is good at making impossible things possible, isn't it? [Like bringing people back to life.

Minato was good at it too. Space-time and doing impossible things.]

So... thank you. [At the end, her voice nearly cracks and she bows her head before lifting it again.

Now. Her smile is sad.]

It seems like we can go home soon, huh? That's good. We should go home because that's where we belong. Even if we have a choice to stay, we should go home in the end. So many people have fought for us to do just that. They're still fighting. If we don't go home, isn't it just like scorning those people and all their efforts? Isn't it forgetting who we are?

Don't be so selfish about wanting to stay here. There's a million other people in different timelines and worlds that don't. You should all work hard too to overcome your weaknesses so you're not stuck here anyway. There's people who do want to go home but they're going back to a place worse than this. Because it's home! Even if it's going back to their own death or being alone!

Even if it means losing everything here that is precious...

[A long, pregnant pause and Kushina finishes with a question after shaking her head a little.]

How many of you were given a second chance by being here?

[She closes the journal immediately after.]

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Yeah, I knew. I've had it happen for a while, even. It was the worst feeling I've ever had to face, knowing I had left him alone.

[He gives pause, rubbing his thumb against his temple.

Trying to convince himself not to get another smoke out.]

But you know - any of the living people could go home and get shot dead the first five minutes they're there. Or, hell, return dropped into a pit of lava. Just because we're dead at home doesn't mean it's our title here; we're alive here and now, and we should try to live as much as anyone who's still breathing back home tries. Sure, you feel dead on the inside, in some way — you feel off, or wrong, or whatever. Or maybe that's just me. But you know what? I'm not dead. Recuscitated, maybe, but whole and alive.

I wouldn't tell someone who's healthy back home to accept death if they have time to figure out how to survive. I wouldn't tell it to anyone here, either, including us.

Nothin' wrong with choosing life if it doesn't hurt the people you love.

Pretty sure they'd be happy to know you're okay somewhere.

[Kushina is glad this isn't a face to face communication. Otherwise, it would be impossible not to notice the way her face crumples and she bows her head.

The worst feeling... yeah, that sounds about right.

She's not about to say he's wrong. In fact, Luceti was some weird form of salvation for Kushina. She was able to live without the one regret she had -- not being able to see Naruto grow up. She was able to, she was even able to spend time with that grown-up son of hers. All his bad habits, the verbal quirk he got from her (somehow), his strength...

Having to come to terms that she didn't belong here was difficult so she can understand very clearly why she's had this many people want to fight with her. It would be like talking to herself if she didn't care about the rest of the world and only wanted her own happiness.

The fact still remained that they didn't belong here.]

So what's our title here? Why are we here? Were we brought here just to live and get a second chance? Why should we get a second chance? What makes us so special? Why can't everyone in the world get that chance too?

I want to live as much as anyone else, it would be a lie to say I don't. I want other people to live just as much. I want others to be happy. It's not like I want people to die, it's not like I want them to go back to getting shot as soon as they get back or dropped into a pit of lava. It's true that for a lot of people, just having a life at all is better.

But how can someone live like that? It's like running from everything and avoiding it. Why can't there be people happy with what life gave them instead of trying to look for more? Was your life back home really so bad that you hated everything about it? Is that really true?

But... you have a son. So I understand. I get it. I really do. I have a son too I had to leave alone when he was a newborn because I was dying. I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay with him. Seeing him again in this world freed me from any regrets I had, but it was still the worst feeling. I still feel guilty and I'm leaving him again to go back to a world he can't be a part of.

Not for a long time, hopefully.

But those are choices we make as parents to bring children into a world. Things don't always go as we plan, do they? We both knew that and you knew you had to go home at some point whether it was by choice or something this world decided for you. What if it happens again no matter what you choose?

At least this way, we can say goodbye and make that choice for ourselves instead of having someone else do it for us like it's always been.

If I go home, then I go home. Shit happens. We do what we can, live the best we can, and that's it.

[It's more complicated than that, but...]

I didn't want to die back home, either. For pretty much most of my life, I was unhappy. I was dumped off with someone who beat the shit out of me when I was little, and then I was turned into a little killing machine before I could even read. But shit happens, and it's no different here. Why are we special? Psht. We're about as special as anyone who outlives someone else. Every day, people are living longer than someone else, getting more than someone else, suffering more than someone else; someone out there is getting a worse fate than us, and someone out there is getting a better fate than us. Doesn't matter the world or time, it's happening with every word coming out of our mouths.

[He sighs.]

It doesn't have to be this complicated. Nobody needs a title other than their name. There doesn't need to be a reason we have a second chance. We don't have to be running away — we're just as easily running toward something. If you believe in fate or a title or destiny or whatever, then you've got to admit, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't our path.

Where is it written that us being alive and staying that way is a mortal sin or some rule that's broken?

[It's way more complicated than that, but she gets it.

While he talks, Kushina just gets more quiet from listening to his story.

They're not outliving anyone when they're already dead. If he knows that there's people that have it worse off than him, even if his life sounds as terrible as it is since he was beaten as a boy and turned into that killing machine. She's reminded of Minato, in that sense. Of all ninja who go to the Academy merely to become those killing machines.

Or in Kushina's case, a pacifist who can hold her own in a fight.]

It goes against the very law of life and death itself. People live and then they die, they don't come back just to spend a little extra time with the people they love or with their children. If that were the case, I know thousands and thousands of people who deserve that second chance more than I do. I don't have regrets about dying, I was happy. I wanted more time but I was grateful for the life I had.

I'm grateful for the time I was allowed here, too. I don't know if I want to believe it was fate since fate already decided for me that I should die. It seems stupid that it would decide that I should suddenly live again too. This world decided on it and this world decides on who goes and who stays. Who gets those second chances, what happens to our friends and family that we have no control over.

I know what you're feeling. If I could have it any way, I would want to stay too. It makes sense to want to live, doesn't it? I want to protect this place and the people in it. But I can't betray my own world and the people I love there for my own happiness.

Good — great to hear you have a cause. If you wanna go so you don't betray your world or your people, that's fine. But our worlds — and this one — don't always go by the same rules yours does. The law of life and death? Doesn't always apply, not like you assume. There are universes here that can use magic, who can turn into creatures and resurrect themselves again and again. Some people do come back in their worlds; not just this one. I'd consider the possibility that your way of life wouldn't make sense to outside worlds.

It's ridiculous to force everyone else to live by someone's standards, or to tell them they should. We're not you.

[He sighs.]

I'll be direct, since we're obviously not going to agree: go or don't go, but don't guilt everyone else into dragging themselves out with you. Calling out other people here who don't want to abide by your sense of duty is a slap in the face before you run off.

Pretty crappy way of saying goodbye, anyway.

video || second chances

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